I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
