Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize