Swine flu. Run for my life!
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
