he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
