when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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