So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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