Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
