He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
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