The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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