he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
