I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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