it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
