went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
