remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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