dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
