it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
