nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
