but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
