But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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