Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
