Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
