Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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