were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
