you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
