I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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