im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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