:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
