I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Randomize
