Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
