When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
