Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
