He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize