there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
