so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
