Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Moan for me like Helen Keller
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
