His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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