I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
my being single is dangerous.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
