My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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