the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
My dick has a subreddit
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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