it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
