White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
