just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
