If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i think my mom watched the whole time
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
