I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize