Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
