I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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