Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
