I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
