I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
