dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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