I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
