She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
