I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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