i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
