wakey wakey hands off snakey
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
