Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
