i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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