I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
