Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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