btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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