It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
