the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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