haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
