oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
