We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
