just tell him i said nine months
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
being pregnant is like rehab
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
