we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
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Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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