Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
