I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
