that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
