I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm always down for nudity.
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