then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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