we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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