So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
