so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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