ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
