He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
